To Fix with Gold
by lastmetro
Summary: A look into the future after ep. 2x08. Maura leaves Boston to be with Ian; but things do not turn out as expected. Five years later, her return brings out old feelings.
1. Hands on the radio

Flying had never made Maura nervous before. Taking a plane to Ethiopia with dozens of boxes worth of medical supplies or flying to and from other places in Europe with loaded with newly acquired pieces of art to decorate her house or her office. It was all too familiar for her.

Maura took a look at the screen that showed her flight information. She looked at the bright red letters and numbers and couldn't help but think it felt like a countdown. To what; she did not know.

'Abdi, sweetheart, can you reach in my bag for Boobo and give it to your sister?'

Her kids were a joy -so easy, to travel with; they were patient and reasonable. And Maura had met so many families and witnessed so many scenes in her travels to know how lucky she was.

The little boy did as told, finding the ragged bunny stuffed in one of the inside pockets of the over-sized travel bag. He went back to his previous position, sitting cross legged beside Maura and picked the sticker book he had been occupied with.

'When are we going to see Grandpa and Grandma?'

'We'll see them again soon, sweetheart' She felt truly bad for Abdi.

Sometimes she found herself feeling guilty of doing the things she had promised herself not to do so many times before.

'Remember Grandma promised to see us in Boston for your birthday?'

He just nodded

'Your birthday is after the summer; so we won't have to wait long to see her'

'And dad?'

She took his little hand in hers; tried to calm her quivering voice.

'I'm sure he'll also come and visit you and Lola very soon, Abdi'

She had had to do this many times before; tried to find a balance between being honest and hurting her son's feelings. Five years old was too young to get a lesson on _reality and expectations, _Maura thought.

She had had to do it numerous times before, but it was getting harder and harder each day.

Going through security and boarding the plane was relatively painless. Once in the plane she grabbed blankets and pillows for everyone and settled Lola against her; it didn't take long to the little girl to fall asleep.

She hadn't really stopped to think about this trip back. Between goodbyes, and removal companies and real estate agents she had managed to avoid it.

There had been moments when mind had started to wonder about the consequences of going back to Boston. But then there was always a meal that needed to be prepared; or a phone call that needed to be made. Life put a stop to that.

She looked outside through the airplane window, it was dark and it was raining.

Was it like admitting defeat, going back to Boston? Maura wondered. She didn't want it to look like it, although Maura couldn't help but feel _defeated _sometimes.

'Mom?'

Maura thought her pillow clutching boy was asleep by now.

'Yes, Abdi?'

'Is Jane also a mom?'

It had started when Ian left to go back to Ethiopia for the first time after Abdi's adoption was official. Maura became the person in charge of the bedtime stories.

Her tales provided fun, happy endings before sleep time; and for Maura they were also a way of remembering. Keeping Jane alive in the distance.

That was how Abdii got to hear all about bad guys, handcuffs and rescue animals.

In her son's head Jane became stronger, bolder. _Jane the heroine. _Jane who ran faster than perps and fought to keep Boston safe.

The first night, when she finished with her story; she closed Abdi's bedroom door trembling. She cried quietly against the corridor wall thinking she missed Ian.

It wasn't until she was lying in bed later that night that she realized she had conjured Jane with words. And she was able to do it every night after that one.

'Why not?'

Abdi's natural curiosity brought her back to reality.

'I don't know, Di.' She reached fluffed up the pillow her son was holding, placing it on the armrest of his seat. 'Some people are very busy and they don't have kids; they are busy working, or travelling, or-

'But you wanted me and Lola' Even though scientifically impossible, Maura felt her heart melt.

'I did; and I got two wonderful babies'

He buried his face in the blue pillow, almost embarrassed.

'But I'm not a baby, Mom'

'I know' Maura stoked his head 'But you are going to be one very tired big boy if you don't go to sleep; we will be there very soon, Di'

She put her hand on his back -just like she used to do the first nights he slept home with them after being in the hospital, to feel his breathing. Like a balm for the question _is he going to be all right? Is everything going to be all right? _It put Maura's mind at ease when she needed it the most.

* * *

**A/N As nervous as I am about publishing my little story, reviews are very much appreciated. **

**Any mistakes are entirely mine -and as a non native English speaker, they are bound to happen!**

**Ps. I own nada!**


	2. Fool's Gold

Her mother had insisted she would move out and find another place to live; but Maura was obstinate. The Doctor had showed she had interest in keeping the house; and Angela living in the guest house would be actually helpful for her. She could keep things in order for Maura: get the mail, prevent the pipes from freezing in the winter.

Maura didn't really like the idea of leaving her kitchen unused for a long period of time.

Out of character, Angela didn't argue. It wasn't like she had anywhere to go, when she came to think about it.

Maura's room was usually off-limits. The kitchen and the rest of the first floor were okay to go through; but the main bedroom was another thing. She always felt like a child exploring a haunted castle, no matter what.

Most of her possessions and furniture were gone. Books, paintings, clothes and a long etcetera of things that used to defined her. She took them with her. The few items that remained in the house were covered with white sheets to protect them from dust and light.

_It was stupid anyway_; Jane though. Maura could not be defined by the things she owned.

She had stopped her nocturnal visits to Maura's house a year or so after the Doctor left. She always knew on the back of her head that sitting on the white fabric covered couch with a six pack and spending hours in the dark imagining an endless array of possibilities that could have been but _weren't _wasn't precisely healthy.

Something told her it was the opposite of _moving on_; yet it took her months to stop ignoring that voice inside her head.

Nowadays she didn't need -didn't find, excuses to come to the house.

She found the jug that her mother always used to water the few plants that still grew in the back garden and filled it with water in the kitchen sink. She climbed up the stairs to the second floor, but didn't bother turning the lights on. She could map the place in the darkness; navigate it with her eyes closed.

She had never paid attention to the rectangular planters on the windowsill, assuming they were only filled with soil. But she saw the plants one morning when she opened the window to see the unexpected electrical storm that had formed. There they were, the little green stems growing from the soil. Jane didn't wonder what they will turn out to be; but she made a point to take care of them.

Angela caught her watering the flowers one afternoon and she fully blushed when she was discovered -after all, Jane wasn't known to keep plants around her house.

'They are hyacinths, Jane' She had explained.

'I just thought it would be nice to keep them' _In case she comes back_. She tried not to sound emotional, but wasn't sure if she was successful.

She couldn't admit it to her mother; she could _hardly _admit it to herself.

Her mother observed as she finished pouring the water with the jug and dried her hands on her jeans 'I didn't want them to wilt away.'

Angela gave her a sympathetic smile before going back downstairs.

The house suddenly seemed quieter than it already was and she wondered why she had been keeping them a secret; it was silly. They were only plants, after all.

* * *

_Maura didn't change out of her white jacket that night. She didn't change for bed. Jane made them sandwiches from bits she found in the kitchen._

'_Turkey or salmon? I'll even let you choose'_

_Maura's half smiled felt like a flutter in the dimly lit room. She took the salmon._

_They didn't talk much; but the weight of their words felt heavy to Jane. _

_Relationships were not meant to be rational, after all. She didn't try to rationalize, she only wanted to help; be there for her friend._

'_Do you wanna talk about it?'_

_Maura shook her head 'I'll be a bit down for a couple of days; but it'll pass. It is always the same Jane'_

_Jane though about Ian, probably on a plane by then. It was rage then. At Ian, at herself. For not being able to protect Maura from the heartbreak. _

_They had finished eating and the TV was on the background, projecting moving shadows in the room, but they knew none of them were watching. Their brains engaged in deep thinking were almost louder._

'_Do you wanna to go to bed?'_

_Jane sat up and reached for her plate sitting on the coffee table, she took Maura's from her lap as she nodded and gave her a tried 'Yes, please'. She walked over to the kitchen and opened the dishwasher._

_She didn't know if she was expected in her friend's bed; but when she bent up she found the Doctor holding her hand out for her_

'_Come on, then. I cannot wait for this day to be over'_

_Sleep had never been something Jane had any trouble with. She'd always hear her mother or Maura talk about loosing sleep when something worried them._

_Jane felt herself was quite the opposite; most of the time sleep was her best ally, it took her to the place she wanted to be. Like a harmless drug with the only secondary effect of the day after. _

_Jane couldn't rely on sleep tonight. _

_She turned around in bed and listened to the sounds in the room. She had no idea how much time had passed. She wondered if Maura would forget Ian with time, like she assured her it would happen. Or if she would love him quietly in the distance._

_Until the next time around. _

_She had never considered the possibility of losing her before. It had never scared her. _

_Maura, with her back turned to the Detective, shifted in her sleep. Jane was careful not to make any noise when she left the room._

_The light coming from the fridge made her squint as she grabbed a beer. She sat, legs crossed on Maura's couch. She tried to stop thinking, focusing on the slow movement of Bass around the room. It was clearly a lost battle. _

_Much later she heard the birds begin to sing; and Maura's door being opened._

_The Doctor sat next to her and she immediately knew she had noticed her red eyes. Still, Maura took her time before speaking. Jane loved her at that precise moment; for knowing not to push things; it made her hopeful._

'_Do you want to talk about it?' She only spoke after a while. Jane felt bad that their roles had reversed; Maura shouldn't be the one comforting her. But she allowed herself to listen to the survival instinct creeping from within her. _

_Maura took Jane's hand on her own._

_Did she want to talk about it? Think about it? She took a deep breath that sounded more like a sob._

'_It's just-' Maura's grip on her hand grew firmer and she used her thumb to caress her wrist._

'_What you said before tonight, about loving someone and not being able to be with them'' She almost couldn't finish her sentence, but she knew that she didn't need to._

_Jane collapsed against Maura who was gently stroking her hair. _

_Her quiet sobs filled the room and she brought a hand to her face to wipe her tears. Almost embarassed, but Maura was quicker. _

'_I know what it is like, Maura. I know' _

'_I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, Jane' She kept saying_

_She had never considered the possibility of losing her and it scared Jane to death._


	3. Front Row

Something was off today at work but Jane wasn't able to put her finger on what.

She studied her desk: the Hollingsworth case files laid there; next to a stack of her own notes. There were a couple of yellow post-its glued to her computer screen. The usual array of pens and paper clips and various other office items.

A slight headache had started to appear after a whole morning spent in front of her computer. She wondered how Frost did it.

She looked outside the window; not much had changed since the last time she had looked. A car parked on the wrong spot was slowly being towed away while its owner shook his head in disbelief. The air conditioning hummed and blew right down her head.

Frost was doing something on his computer, but he didn't seem focused on it. He held a blue and green stress ball on his right hand. Front time to time he tossed it up, almost reaching the ceiling and then falling down again to his hands.

She stared at him and he soon noticed.

'As soon as I can get one address we can go and ask questions'

He handed her a cartoon box and offered the last doughnut.

She refused shaking her head, suspecting that her body wouldn't hold anything down for the moment.

Jane stomped downstairs earning a look from Korsak -half disapproval, half amusement. Most days she avoided the elevator and today was no different.

Frankie wasn't in the café like she expected him to be; but her mother was, sporting a big smile for a young uniformed policeman.

She pointed her finger at her when she saw Jane and squinted.

'You already had three coffees today already, young lady. Don't you think I'm not keeping an eye on you.'

'And God forbid you ever stop' She mumbled under her breath 'Actually I'm not here for coffee, I'm looking for Frankie, you seen him?'

'He is around the precinct with a group of school kids showing them around. Career day or something. God, poor babies, I hope none of them decides to become a police officer'

'Because Frankie and I have such miserable lives' She leaned in and kissed her mother on the cheek 'Gotta go, mom'

'What about lunch, Jane?'

She didn't have time or the stomach at the moment.

'Frankiiiie' Jane whispered loudly. He was by the Gea DuPont sculpture in the main hall surrounded by school kids.

He spotted her and finished giving instructions to the group of uniformed kids he was leading.

Then he walked towards the Detective, feigning an innocent smile

'Hey, sis, what up?'

'Maybe you can answer that'

'Answer what Janie?' He turned his head to check on his group of students who were occupied writing on their notebooks

'Why is everybody acting so strange around me? I'm not stupid, you know'

'Shit' he said at the same time he smiled painfully at the realization 'No one has told you?'

'Tell me what, Frankie' She tried to keep her tone of voice low, but her patience had deserted her half an hour ago, she just wanted answers.

He felt bad for her sister, probably everybody was acting awkwardly around her; and that included him. She deserved to know; but he hated to be the one to break the news.

'Doctor Isles is coming back, at the end of the month, to possibly stay permanently' he blurted out

Jane cursed inwardly, she wanted to kill Korsak, kill Frost. _What the hell. _

She took a breath and decided she was not going to react like everyone was scared she would.

'Listen, Janie; I have to go back to my group before any of them manages to get in trouble' He scratched the back of his head 'I've already caught two of them this morning trying to mess with the fire alarm in the basement'

The Detective chuckled and patted her brother's back sympathetically.

'Will you be all right, Jane?'

Jane had already started walking back to her desk upstairs, but turned around to look at Frankie.

'Course I will, little brother' _When am I not?_

* * *

_After she left, the first time Jane heard Maura's voice was a sunny morning in June. _

_She had called her work phone; from a number her telephone did not recognise. The 'unknown number' letters made her heart skip a beat. _

'_It was a medical emergency, Jane; he needed treatment in Europe' _

_Jane took a deep breath and bit her thumb before responding _

'_I am not asking for an explanation, Maura. I would never-_

'_This isn't Ian and I playing families together'_

'_Okay' Jane closed her eyes for a second, trying to make the dizzy feeling go away._

_Her mother had tried to keep her updated. Maura and Ian had taken a little boy to Paris to receive medical treatment. He needed a new kidney; Jane seemed to remember_

_They were going to take care of him provisionally; until they found a permanent family for him in Europe. _

_She just knew what was coming next; she didn't need to be told. _

_On her part, Jane had gotten very good at squirming out of uncomfortable conversations._

'_I'm guessing he must have a name?'_

_She tried to lighten the mood, relieve the tension that could be perceived even through the cold distance of the phone. _

'_Abdi' A pause 'He just turned three, according to the records we have'_

'_I'm happy for you, Maura'_

_And she was. She really was._

_She had spent all her energies trying to transfer the potentiality of her happiness to Maura's. Even if they had not spoken in a while. _

'_You'll have that reference letter at the end of this week' She cleared her throat 'Is there anything specific you need me to write about?'_

_Jane often wondered -she allowed herself to, specially at the beginning. What would Maura's life be like? What would her family be like?_

_What kind of mother would Maura be?_

'_Things like how long we've known each other, what was your relationship to me... You can write about what I am like and why do you think I would be a good mother for Abdi'_

_There was hint of guilt on Maura's voice and it was ironic, Jane though; Maura chasing for answers like that. _

_She wished she had the true, honest answers to some of these questions._

_Time changed everything._

'_Okay' Jane hoped Maura could hear her smile over the phone. 'I'll see what I can do but I can't promise a brilliant piece of literature'_

_The chuckle on the other side of the phone felt like the spring she had missed for the last four years._

_She said goodbye to Maura and hung up the phone._

**A/N I'm terribly sorry for the late update! Work has kept me very busy; but the good news is that my holiday is here now :) As always, reviews are very appreciated! **


	4. Fireflies

'You forgot to get some lunch'

Angela's voice echoed in the basement of the Boston Police Department headquarters. Jane was sitting on the floor, looking through a box of old case files. She didn't really bother to look up to answer.

'I wasn't really hungry and I am not eleven years old anymore.' She kept going through the files until one caught her attention.

'I bought you the last chili con carne, but someone else will be happy to have it.'

'Wait, Ma... I'm sorry.' She wiped her eyes with one hand to get a quick rest 'I didn't mean to be an ass'

Angela saw the bags under her eyes, but made a point not to bring it up; knowing how little it took for Jane to be pushed away. That made her concern grow. She took a seat on the chair in front of her daughter.

'I know you and Maura weren't talking much, but you can't tell me it took you by surprise, Jane.'

'Took me by surprise? Maura's 'Assholes Without Borders' boyfriend leaving them to go back to Ethiopia when he was done playing families?'

Angela opened her mouth to say something, but the Detective was faster 'Let's just say he had a bit of a reputation for doing precisely that; so no, I'm not surprised'

The ceiling light flickered for a moment and she stood to reach for the last box she needed to look through and went back to her sitting position on the floor.

'Fuck. She has two kids to take care of now' Jane sighed

Her mother gave her a knowing look.

Jane thought about TJ, and how she had helped around with him. Some visits to the doctor, a couple of colds and tummy bugs and a handful of sleepless nights. Yet she could only begin to understand what it would be like for Maura to raise her kids by herself.

'I want to be there for her' _If she wants me to - _she wanted to add 'Maura doesn't deserve this.' But for some reason she didn't.

Angela only smiled and touched her hair in the lightest way.

'I always knew I raised you well, Janie'

With that she left her daughter feeling a bit surer of herself.

* * *

_Maura fidgeted with the folded piece of paper as she sat on her home office. _

_She had dropped Abdi at school at eight. He seemed very happy to meet his friends again after the Easter break and it was the only thing he would talk about in the car while Maura drove them. She listened patiently and submerged in a world where daily problems took a different shape and size. Like, Am I allowed ice- cream after dinner?, or Lucas says I'm three, but I'm really four, mom._

_She pulled the curtains and opened the bay windows in her studio and the sound of two birds chirping filled the spacious room. Maura looked at the cherry tree in the back patio, bursting with white and pink flowers. _

_Her mother had offered to take Lola for the morning so she could have some quiet time for herself but her own mind working seemed to be winning the war to quietness_

_Maura picked up the loose paper again and looked at the telephone number her father had scribbled there the last time he had visited and considered her possibilities. Something she had been postponing thanks to a series of more or less intricate excuses: beds to be made, a car to repair and messes to clean up. _

_She could call the number; get a position that would allow her to be home for Lola and Abdi. To be able to see them grow as well as doing something she loved for a living._

_Settle down, professionally, in France; something she had neglected to do so far._

_She knew the clinic could really use her help; but she ditched that line of thought –she had promised herself she would stop doing things just because someone else needed her to do them._

_There was a knock on the door and she opened it absentmindedly to find her father standing there with a tennis racket in one hand and a bottle of red wine in the other. He gave Maura a kiss on the cheek and handed her the bottle._

'_I was going through the cellar the other day and I thought you might like to have this'_

_She looked at the date printed on the dark blue an golden label._

'_That's very thoughtful; thank you.' _

_She indicated for Richard to come inside and he did._

'_Are you settling okay?' _

'_We're settling all right, Dad.' Maura pointed to the espresso machine and her father gave her a nod._

'_The kids really like the house. They have more space to just be kids here and Paris is just half an hour away if we want to spend time there'_

_He let finish, watching attentively as Maura opened kitchen drawers to get a couple of spoons and sugar._

_When Maura had prepared the coffee, he walked to the sofa holding both drinks. Maura followed with a small jug of milk_

'_I was asking about you, Maura. I know the kids are okay. '_

_She gave him a confused look._

'_Just now.'_

'_Oh.' She smiled automatically 'Did Mother tell you about Ian and I?' Maura lowered her eyes and asked, although she knew it was unnecessary. Her father just nodded and took her hand, and Maura blushed slightly at the gesture. Like that, she didn't feel like an adult in her early forties and she grew uncomfortable. _

'_I'm thinking about my possibilities' she took a sip of coffee and the strong flavor filled her with a new wave of calmness. 'I need to make a decision sooner or later' She said; more to herself than anyone else. _

'_I know anything we tell you won't be much help, Maura. And you have been making your own decisions since you were ten.'_

_There was pride in her father's voice, but Maura laughed with sadness at the memories of her childhood._

'_But do you remember when I joined you and your mother in Boston?' Richard let go of Maura's hand._

'_For the Du Pont retrospective? I remember, yes.'_

'_Remember when you took us to eat hamburgers, with your friend, the Detective.?'_

_Jane._

'_Jane.' Her voice came out broken, threatening with tears, and it caught her by surprise._

'_I haven't seen you so happy since then, Maura.'_

_She couldn't contain her tears as her father held her._

* * *

When Angela returned to work she had to sit for a minute because her legs were shaking.

She hadn't noticed at first, but when she bent down to close the dishwasher, she was slightly trembling and had to help herself up again with a steady hand resting on the countertop.

She had seen concern in her daughter's eyes for the first time in years. And it was strange, she thought, how she had grown accustomed to see Jane in cop mode most of the time.

When she came to think about it she hadn't helped with her endless insistence; urging her daughter to find someone – a husband, someone who would take care of her.

Perhaps Jane could be the one taking care of someone.

Perhaps there could be space for both in Jane's life. _To take care, to be taken care of._

Angela had seen concern in her daughter's eyes; and definitely love.

She had inkling she would be seeing more of it in the near future.

And she was more than okay with that.

* * *

**Thanks for reading! More coming soon :)**


	5. The Pilot and The Pilgrim

Contrary to what Jane thought the rest of the world remained the same after Maura's arrival. Or most of it.

Her coffee tasted the same; the shadows the sun projected as her alarm went off and she dragged herself out of bed were exactly the same.

Her furniture occupied the very same spaces that morning.

But Frost's look was different when he came back up after going downstairs for a quick snack.

He needn't say anything, yet Jane understood.

After all there was a reason they worked together so brilliantly all these years.

The world remained the same but something stirred inside Jane's heart as the morning passed. It beat faster, it raced, at the thought of finding her by chance; standing on a corner anywhere in the office or the precinct.

* * *

It was an unusual sensation to have both kids around in the morning,

Abdi woke her with a tug of her feet. Outside the darkness had started to give way to light.

'I'm not sleepy anymore, mom'

Maura opened her covers inviting him inside and Abdi snuggled against her. Maura welcomed the extra warmness in her bed with a sigh.

'Did you have a good sleep?' Maura took his small arm and placed a sleepy kiss on his hand.

Abdi simply nodded, more curious about another topic

'Do I have to go to school today?' He inquired.

'Not today, Di' She let go of his hand 'We still have to find a school here, so not for a few days'

'I want to learn about numbers. I liked when we learn about numbers at school in Paris'

Maura smiled proudly 'Of course you'll learn _about numbers'_

'And I liked when we did finger paintings. 'Member when you couldn't get the paint off my fingers?'

'I sure do.' They both giggled at the memory

She didn't know where he had gotten it; this ability to just chat away, but if filled her hearth with happiness. They could spend the morning just like that, talking about a million things.

'Time to get up, little man' She patted his shoulder.

She took her time getting ready, getting the kids ready; consciously indulging in their comforting presence. Still on her pajamas she prepared breakfast and feed Lola while Abdi happily munched on banana pancakes.

She didn't have a plan.

Aside from her programmed meeting after lunch she didn't have any plan.

She wanted to meet Dr. Patel and the rest of the team. Meet the new criminalists and maybe have a chat with the ones she already knew. Maybe get a quick update on current cases

Nothing too gruesome, especially having Abdi and Lola with her. There will be time for that next week.

She decided she would play by ear when it came to meet Jane. Perhaps today wasn't the day; perhaps it would be another day.

Maura drove to the headquarters, following the familiar route she thought about schools for Abdi – going through different options in her mind. Maybe Lola could go to daycare; or perhaps she could find someone to look after her at home. If she finally decided to go that route, she could ask Angela if she knew someone adequate for that job.

* * *

Jane wiped the palms of her hands against her slacks; for some reason she couldn't explain she remembered being called a hero as she entered the café. _The irony._

Her hair was a bit shorter; at least it looked like that from behind. Her skin, her arms looked a bit tanner. Angela was also there, playing with the little girl but Jane had trouble focusing properly.

'What are you doing here? Enrolling these two already?' Jane tried to joke and Maura turned around to face her.

Both women chuckled at the same time and part of Jane's nervousness eased away. Then Maura hugged her, and it wasn't awkward like she thought it would be.

'Jane' Maura was clearly happy to see her and it reached her eyes 'How have you been?'

That's when it hit her. She had somehow forgotten how much she had missed her.

She had to different versions in her head to answer that question; Jane went with the uncomplicated one.

'Not too bad, same as usual. You back in Boston for good?'

Maura smiled softly, and Jane's gut told her the answer was 'yes'. But Maura wasn't ready to say it out loud yet.

'I'll be working closely with Dr. Patel on new cases for a month or so'

Jane's focus changed to Maura's son as her mother came back with a chocolate milkshake for him.

'This big boy is Abdi'

A little boy looked up from his seat, he had a coloring book and some crayons scattered around the high table. He seemed shy, perhaps impressed, but still offered a polite hello.

'And this is Lola'

Maura unexpectedly passed the baby girl to Jane, who took her in her arms. As she held her with shaky hands, she couldn't deny the resemblance.

'She looks so much like you, Maura'

She knew her mother was somewhere near, looking at her holding the baby with a smirk.

'No, no, no'

Lola suddenly reached for a strand of Jane's hair, to Abdi's amusement. He let out a earthy laugh.

'Ouch, ouch!'

Maura was quick to detangle the baby's hand from black curly hair and placing her against her hip.

'We are slowly learning about not grabbing other people's hair' She bent down to kiss her daughter's blonde head 'Aren't we?'

'When Jane was a baby she used to pull my earrings all the time' Angela shared 'she had a fixation with shinny things.'

They all laughed, and Jane blushed.

It hadn't been awkward like she thought it would be, but Jane was shaking slightly when she walked back upstairs after saying goodbye.

* * *

At eight o'clock she was still sitting at her desk. She had remained there most of the day; except for the occasional toilet break.

Frost approached her after putting his black jacket on, clearly ready to leave.

'Good day today?'

'Could have been better if you hadn't stolen the last Mars Bar from the vending machine'

_Incorrigible Jane. _He didn't say anything to fuel that fire.

'Remember how much you complained when Dr. Isles left?' A new Medical Examiner to get used to, a different pace, a different working style.

Jane didn't like to be called a coward. And yes, every single detail about Dr. Patel had been microscopically scrutinized. From his sloppy handwriting to his telephone manners.

'I remember, Frost' She bit the top of her pen.

'You weren't fooling anyone'

'Maybe it wasn't my intention to fool anyone' Her smug look was priceless. _Because why not._

'I'm glad she's back. I'm happy for you too, Jane.' Frost smile was sincere and managed to change Jane's expression.


	6. Glue

The first time they met, it took Jane four days to fall in love with Maura.

She remembered the first time she caught Maura staring at her. It was one morning after lunch at the cafe. She was clearing their plates and coffee cups, placing them upside down on the blue crate on the counter. When she turned around there she was standing and staring at Jane's actions with an absent smile plastered on her face.

Caught off guard, Jane thought it was the prettiest smile she had ever seen. She found herself hoping there would be more to come.

She wondered if other people noticed - her mother, her brothers, Frost, everyone at work; how Maura occupied her thoughts; how she would contaminate her mind when it wasn't a case from work. She wondered if it was actually possible not to fall in love with her.

She wondered if Maura had noticed.

The first time she saw Maura's bare back was one evening down by the changing rooms in the BPD gym.

Maura had had a shower after her workout and Jane was headed for her weekly weights session.

When she saw her wrapped in a yellow towel she stopped on her tracks in a dark corner of the corridor and waited there until she heard the noise of her hair drier.

Ashamed to see her like that and ashamed to be ashamed at her actions, Jane thought about purity and attraction.

* * *

'Frost is running the gym card we found. Do we have a cause of death yet?'

Jane irrupted in the morgue

'Heart failure' Dr. Patel didn't even bother looking at her, clearly immersed in the autopsy of a young woman.

'What is the length of the victims wound?' She tried again, her voice sounding calmer this time.

Maura held a blue pen and was focused on the answers she'd been receiving from Dr Patel as she leaned against one of the metal tables in the morgue.

'Two point five inches, the chest one. There are seventy smaller ones on her left thigh'

'What about the stomach contents?' This time Jane looked directly at Maura.

'The victim had ingested whole milk and approximately two hundred grams of peach. We noted the milk had expired from five to seven days at the time of consumption'

'That has to be significant. Why the hell would someone drink expired milk?'

Maura looked up –as if to say something; but she didn't.

'I know, I know' She shook her hands vigorously in the air 'No guessing, sorry, sorry'

She was wearing a fitted green dress with a black pattern and the muscles on top of her right arm flexed every time she traced crosses on her toxicology notes.

Jane had been standing behind her, paying attention to her interactions with Dr. Patel, the care she put in every gesture and every word. In every trace.

Maura didn't seem to notice.

She hadn't _lost_ Maura

Maura didn't belong to her in the first place.

She had always assumed Maura's presence was something temporary. Someone would eventually appear and take her away. Someone better, with a family friendly timetable and good eating habits and a lifetime of discipline.

Someone who had done something to deserve her.

Five years ago, she had driven her to the airport with the same realization blinding her as she gripped the steering wheel.

But Jane never got past there. Still it felt like a long wait.

She knew what Maura was looking for - belonging, companionship, love. Maybe a _real _family. Cuddles in bed after a bad day or a bad week at work, and perhaps someone willing to spend a whole night between her legs pleasuring her; or comforting her or both things at the same time.

And she had no right to ask her to stay in Boston if she didn't even dare offer Maura all that herself.

Before Maura she had never really paid attention to her actions. She never questioned herself outside the professional field. She tried to put bad guys in jail and kept innocent people out of it. And that was all that was ever asked from her.

The next thing Jane knew, Maura had invited her over for dinner; and she had offered to help unpack. Or maybe it was the other way round. She couldn't tell.

* * *

'Can we have pasta tomorrow again, mom?'

Abdi, who had managed to finish every singer tortellini, remained seated in his chair and Maura glanced at his plate.

She pointed to the napkin and the little boy promptly took the hint.

'Well' She started and placed a piece of pear in Lola's plastic bowl 'Remember when we talked about eating healthily?'

Maura handed cut another piece of pear and handed it to her soon.

'Yeah'

'Healthy eating means eating all sorts of foods; so tomorrow we'll have a different dinner, maybe fish or chicken'

Lola made a cheery noise as she saw the content of her yellow bowl.

'But I'm sure Angela will be very happy when I tell her how much you loved her cooking'

'Jane's mom?'

Maura had finished her own food and started putting things aside.

Lola was happily biting her piece of fruit and Maura sat her in her lap.

'Yes, she made it for us.'

'So do I have to say thanks when I see her?'

Maura smiled at her son's candor.

'That would be very nice, Di' She played with the girl's hair, taking the red hairclip and setting it in place again; meanwhile Abdi had begun carrying everything to the sink.

'Thanks, sweetheart. That's very helpful'

Maura looked at him proudly; he had a look like he didn't know what was going on. She glanced at the kitchen clock.

'It is time for piamas, then teeth' On her arms Lola had started grow restless and Maura rocked her gently.

'And this little munchkin' She tickled Lola's tummy, eliciting a giggle from the baby. 'This little munchkin needs a bath.'

Once upstairs Maura held Lola towards Abdi.

'Goodnight, Lol'

Abdi gave a gentle pat to her head and Maura smiled at her son's peculiar nickname for her sister.

'When I finish we can read a story. You can choose the book you want, deal?'

'Deal!' Abdi hurried towards his bedroom.

* * *

The silence of the house brought a diaphanous space to Maura's head; like a room full or air.

She craved a hot drink and set off to make some tea only to remember her tea pot and chamomile tea were still packed away in one of the boxes that occupied the kitchen floor.

Maura paced the room, one hand resting over her stomach. She didn't have to go to BPD tomorrow, but she found herself wishing she had an excuse to go. _See Jane._

There was the slow click of the backdoor and Maura was already thanking the company.

'Angela, hi.' She paused to close the dishwasher 'I would offer you tea, but I just realized that I have nowhere to make it'

'I'll just bring the kettle from the guesthouse. I've got some roiboos somewhere as well' She offered and left before Maura could answer.

When she came back Maura had laid out two mugs and teaspoons on the counter.

Angela filled the kettle with fresh water and set it to boil.

'Angela' Maura hesitated as she rolled her sleeves up. 'I wanted to say thanks'

She had to say it; she had been meaning to say it for a few days, but the moment never seemed appropriate. The sound of the kettle filled the room until it stopped and Maura poured the steaming water in the purple mugs.

'I'm glad you liked it. It is a new recipe I've been wanting to try at the café'

'Next time you should join us.' _Jane should as well_

Angela took a seat next to her on the bar stool and wrapped her hands around the hot drink.

'That is not why I was saying thanks' Maura pointed and shook her head.

'Oh' Angela let out an earthy laugh 'I should be the one thanking you' She reached for her hand and looked at her eyes. The Doctor flinched slightly, not fully used to that kind of contact with other adults.

Angela noticed and gave her hand a quick squeeze before letting go.

'The hyacinths in my room look lovely.' She smiled and returned her hands to their previous position.

'Well, you should thank Jane for that' Angela shrugged and Maura's eyes narrowed down as she played with the golden chain of her bracelet.

Angela grew suddenly serious. Or maybe it was her unusual silence; Maura hated not being able to tell. She took a tentative sip of her tea, but it burnt her lips. _She should know better. _

'She is more caring than I give her credit for, my Janie.' It came as a thought formulated out loud. Maura didn't know how to respond. She knew it too well.

She had also seen those moments in Jane. They were fleeting, and dearly treasured by Maura. Even after all these years.

* * *

**Thanks for reading! **

**Review are welcome :)**


	7. To Fix with Gold

A tiny hand led Jane to the kitchen where she found Maura wearing a yellow dress and pink lipstick. She was rushing over dinner, or at least Jane got that feeling –and she felt a tinge of guilt for letting Maura prepare it by herself. Maybe she should have offered.

She handed her the bottle of wine she was carrying and the doctor stopped to smile at the touch of the cold glass.

'You remembered to put it in the fridge'

She looked at Jane, who smiled back at her, placed the glass bottle on the counter and resumed dressing the salad.

'Do you want me to pour us a glass?'

'Please; wine glasses are in that box over there' She handed her a knife to cut through the brown tape.

'Mom, did you remember to ask Detective Jane?' He whispered loudly and Jane found amusing the fact that she could hear him clearly.

He gave a tug to Maura's dress to get her attention.

Maura pondered for a minute.

'Ask her what, sweetheart?'

'About the badge'

Jane grinned as Maura realized what he was referring to.

'Oh, that's right.' She turned to Jane. 'Abdi wanted to see your badge. I told him perhaps you could show it to him'

'So my badge, uh?' Jane placed a hand on the boys shoulder and turned to wink at Maura 'My badge is at the cleaners right now; but I'll tell you what. If you are a good boy I will definitely let you have a look when it comes back'

He only nodded in agreement.

She inspected the kitchen as Maura took a very reluctant Abdi to bed. A few unopened boxes with different labels laid around the kitchen, but Maura's home had already started to look like a home. Lola's high chair and a few of Abdi's miniature cars laid outside brought a smile to Jane's face. She noticed he had made a little race track using some cardboard and wondered if Maura ever played races with him; if she let him win on purpose or, on the contrary, had decided to teach him how to lose.

'Lola and Abdi already love your mom' The Doctor's voice startled Jane.

'Milk, cookies and ice-cream, what's not to love?' Both women chuckled at the same time and silently smiled. 'Just wait until they are old enough for boyfriends and girlfriends'

Maura had prepared a simple dinner and Jane helped her serve it on the white dishes she had laid out.

'I have a feeling you don't need any Rizzoli style bribing with him.'

'He is a very good kid.'

'I can't believe you let him answer the door though' Jane had a blank stare 'After all this time telling you to lock your front door and now you have your four year old opening it for you?'

Maura was amused at the memory.

'Well, he is five now' She corrected. 'And we saw your car from the kitchen window, Jane'

Maura used a napkin to wipe her mouth and took a tiny sip of wine from her glass.

'Thanks for cooking dinner tonight, Maura'

Jane observed Maura with a content smile –her impeccable table manners had remained the same after years; and for a minute she felt out of place cutting pieces of meat and salad that were way too big for her mouth.

'Don't be silly, it is the least I can do if you are going to help me unpack everything'

They ate in silence for a bit; Jane was a bit scared to lead the conversation -she had thought about it on the way to Maura's; worried about bringing up a topic Maura might not be comfortable discussing and, at the same time, assuming there was no need to make small talk. Time had passed, it was something undeniable, but they didn't need to pretend they weren't comfortable enough with each other.

'Did you ever miss it?'

Maura looked up from her food and the way her eyebrows arched revealed she wasn't expecting the question.

'Working for BPD? Boston?'

_Me_

'I know you guys get all the rain in Paris, but you can't compare a Boston winter-' Jane chastised herself for trying to joke.

'I did miss everything' The look of sympathy she received from the other end of the table encouraged the doctor to continue 'Abdi and Lola are my life' Maura's face lightened at the thought of her kids, her eyes grew bigger 'But when you become a mother; a mother seems to be all you are'

There was sadness in Maura's voice and a hint of regret she hadn't intended to show and for a moment Jane didn't know what to do with the information she had just been revealed.

'You are so much more than that, Maura'

The doctor had a soft smile for Jane ''sometimes I wish there was somebody there to remind me'

* * *

Jane offered to clear the dishes and Maura left to check on Abdi and Lola; when she came back to the kitchen the Detective was sitting in the dimly lit room sporting a pensive expression, one leg under the other.

'Listen, Maur' Once she got her attention, Jane grabbed a cushion from her side and began to play with the seams of the soft brown suede. 'I know it is not a really big help but if you ever need me to babysit because you want to go out; or on a date or something'

She tried not to make a big deal out of it even though it filled the entire room, the whole house with its heady presence.

Maura closed her eyes and shook her head, deeming the possibility a crazy idea, still, the Doctor thanked her politely. It only opened questions for both of them.

'That's too bad; I do have outstanding references'

They laughed and for a while it was chaos.

'Has there been anyone?' Maura left her question unfinished, hoping for Jane to understand all the implications.

'No one, Maura.' She shook her head and looked at the Doctor with a look of frankness.

Maura's eyes were a reflection of her mind, full of questions; Not so full of answers.

'Ian called today, to speak with the kids' Maura

Jane had been curious, God knew she had wondered and wanted to inquire; but she felt it was better not to push things.

'Sometimes I feel bad I took them so far away from their dad'

'You are not being selfish, Maur.'

'Things would never have worked between us. I don't know why I even thought they would in first place' Her voice almost broke and Jane felt the heartbreak cutting through her own skin.

Jane looked at the cushion she was playing with again.

'I wanted to offer you that, Maura.' Jane closed her eyes expecting to be in a different place when she opened them; she wasn't. 'I wanted to offer you all that'

Jane took a much needed deep breath.

The doctor's only answer was an intense stare. Was it a ceasefire? Was it an armistice? Surrender? She felt disarmed. It burned.

'Even if I never said it with words, even if I never said it with actions' She continued.

'I am not proud of what I did, Jane' Maura interrupted softly.

'You didn't know that I was in love with you'

It wasn't a question yet it wasn't an answer. It was a feeling living inside Jane's head for years.

It was also the first time she had ever said it out loud.

A silent pause followed.

'Perhaps I chose not to know it because it was the easy thing to do'

Jane shook her head, not wanting to show any blame for Maura. _She would never. _

Yet she didn't need a confirmation from Maura.

'I'm so sorry, I don't know-'

'None of us is very good at this business of showing feelings' Jane tried to justify, but didn't quite believe it herself.

Maura's mind reached the past; being brought up in the Isles household where displays of emotions were hardly visible. A kiss here and a hug there, the scarce gestures always seemed reserved for special occasions: birthdays, graduations and charity events.

She thought about Angela and the Rizzolis. There was probably never a day that went by without a squirmy Jane receiving a plethora of fondness in a variety of shapes and ways.

A lack of displays of affection and an overbearing family ultimately lead to the same. Both women were essentially equal in that aspect.

Maura scooted closer and embraced her tightly. Their faces almost touching, _almost. _Their breaths almost mixing and the force of habit not gone after all.

They stayed like that for a while.

'I am so sorry, Jane'


	8. Moon Woman

**Rizzles is here, yeepee! **

**Reviews are always welcome :)**

Joe Friday barked impatiently at Maura's door waiting for it to open and Jane picked him up just as she heard the click of the door opening.

'Oh, no Maura. You sick too?'

Maura nodded, holding a paper tissue and bringing it to her nose

'You'd probably want to stay away from this house, Jane'

But she didn't have time to answer.

'It is Jaaaanee' The high pitched voice echoed in the house entrance. There was a red and white lamp emiting a dim light in the house.

'Looks like it is already too late for that'

Jane smiled at the enthusiasm she was received with. It reminded her of being a kid and the joy of having excuses to stay up later than she was supposed to.

'Abdi refused to go to bed without saying hello'

Maura invited her to sit and Abdi followed with a look of curiosity as he reached to pet the small animal.

'Is Joe Friday your son?'

Jane let out a hearty laugh

'Yes, I guess we could say that; but Joe Friday is a girl, so s_he_ would be my _daughter_'

The little boy was happy with her answer.

'Can I hold her?'

'Of course you can' Jane called the small dog and placed him on Abdi's lap who was clearly very excited 'She is not very good at being told what to do; but maybe she'll make an exception for you'

The boy was beaming at the possibility.

'It is almost time for bed, okay? Remember I said you could see Jane if you promised to go straight to bed afterwards?'

'I sleep in a big bed, but my sister sleeps in a bed for babies.' He informed Jane.

'That must be because you are the big brother' Jane winked at Maura who was occupied behind the kitchen island. 'Isn't that right, Maura?'

Once in his bedroom, Abdi changed into his pajamas and quickly climbed into bed .

'Can Joe Friday sleep in my bed tonight?'

His face illuminated at the mere idea of sharing his bed with the little dog. He turned to Maura, seeking permission.

'If Joe is happy in your bed, then it is okay'

Maura leaned in and kissed her son goodnight.

'Jane and I are are going to be unpacking in the kitchen, okay?'

'Are my Legos in there?'

Maura pulled the covers up to tuck him in.

'Yes, sweetheart. You can play with them tomorrow.'

* * *

They worked in silence, first in Maura's home office. Then they moved to the kitchen.

'This one is broken'

Maura had sat on the couch to rest for a minute while the kettle boiled some water. She looked at her with a puzzled stare.

'This dish, Maur.' She handed the two almost perfect halves to her friend 'Do you want me to throw it away?'

'Leave it' The Doctor looked at the pieces in her hands 'I've always wanted to try _kintsukuroi'_

'You've always wanted to eat sushi in a broken plate?' Jane made her best deadpan face.

Maura's soft laugh lasted a second.

'_Kintsukuroi, _Jane, the Japanese technique of fixing broken pottery with a gold-based glue'

She put her hands under Jane's and guided them to the coffee table.

'Oh, of course. Let me go get it from the car'

The Doctor's voice turned soft. _Softer _'The objects acquire a new value when they are repaired. It is their imperfection what makes them perfect when they are fixed'

Maura leaned closer and placed the broken pieces on the table, and then her hands returned to Jane's.

'Maura-'

Her name was barely audible and a second later their lips joined in a chaste kiss.

'Shhh, Jane; let me fix this mess'

_With gold._

She had a look like the moon.

'Let me'

There was an _okay _stuck in Jane's throat. A _Please, Maura _that never reached the room.

Maura carried her wine glass on one hand and used the other to lead Jane upstairs.

Something was restored as they climbed the squeaky steps in the darkness that night. Faith, trust; whatever it was it sounded like slow violins and felt like being home.

There was a mattress on Maura's bedroom floor. Jane imagined her wooden bed was probably still in Paris; or maybe travelling in a cargo plane on its way to Boston.

They sat close on on Maura's improvised bed, Jane crossed her legs and Maura's hand reached for her chest in a gesture that was both a caress and an invitation to lay down on the mattress.

Trying to take all in Jane closed her eyes with a heavy sigh and brought her hand to trace Maura's face. The corner of her eyes, where new lines had appeared - especially when she smiled; her cheekbones and her lips. Freckles had multiplied. Maura was a warm, soft liquid fire Jane never wanted to live without again.

'You are so much more, Maura'

Their rushed breathing was loud in Maura's bedroom as the Doctor kissed her, first the base of her neck, then -without any resistance, her mouth.

_North and South_

She traced her hands everywhere, gathering fabric and hair and slopes and valleys. She tried to contain everything that was Maura. Her essence in a handful.

Jane opened her eyes as she felt Maura sitting up on the bed. She saw her looking at her and suddenly the air in the room became charged with electricity.

'You are so much more; you are strong'

Maura bought a hand under her skirt and reached for her black panties in one gesture. Not taking her eyes from Jane's she dragged them down her legs and discarded them on the floor.

'You are brave' It came as a whispered breath 'Sexy'

She resumed her position; half draped over Jane's body and slowly brought her left leg between Jane's. Their hips rolled together in a tidal dance.

A loud piercing cry startled them -first through the wall, then a second later through the baby monitor on the floor next to Maura's mattress. They stared at each other awakening to a new dimension.

'I'll get her' She kissed her tenderly and caressed her forearm and her hair, 'Don't worry, Maura'

The Doctor didn't speak as she readjusted her position on the bed, clutching at the top of her dress and trying hard to regulate her hasty breathing.

Jane was at loss at first. She picked Lola up, who was still crying but was visibly glad to see someone coming to take care of her. She felt lighter than Jane was expecting.

Jane was at loss.

She then remembered what her mother used to do with TJ when he was sick or overtired and wouldn't go to sleep.

She sat on the rocking chair that she found on the corner.

She had held Lola before - when Maura had placed her unexpectedly in her arms when they first met in the Blue Division Cafe weeks ago. But now it was different.

Lola was _Maura's baby; _and that realization made her chest swell with tenderness. She took her tiny hand and wrapped it with hers; the darkness in the room made her scars almost fade to invisibility.

Her cries sounded a bit calmer and some spaces of quietness between began to appear; Jane took a look around the green painted nursery. Jane and the baby seemed to have a calming effect in each other and Lola began to fall asleep again, against the detective's shoulder.

The soft and rhythmic sound of Maura's steps could be heard in the darkness; still Jane didn't move when she saw the Doctor standing still on the doorway. She had changed into a t-shirt and a pair of grey yoga pants; her hair was tied up.

'Hey'

Jane turned to look at her and the light coming from the hall made her squint.

'Do you want me to take her to your bed for tonight?' Jane offered trying not to disturb the baby.

Maura shook her head softly 'She has to learn to sleep here'

'Okay'

She approached Jane and took Lola, who stirred a bit in her arms. Jane remained seated, her hands on her lap, watching as Maura settled the baby in the wooden crib and placed a kiss on her head.

'Come on, let's go to bed'

There was a pair of shorts and a t-shirt folded on Maura's bed and she assumed it was for her, so changed out of her Jeans and white tank top.

'When did you become so perfect?'

Jane didn't know if she was supposed to offer an answer. Even if she did, she didn't dare to.

They laid facing each other. The darkness accentuated Maura's sun kissed skin and it made her eyes darker.

She felt a hand setting her hair aside, then descending to bring them close.

Jane kissed her and Maura exhaled a breath. She was tired and Jane could see it in the way her eyelids were slowly closing, still she clung to the words that had been inside her for way too long.

'I thought the best thing I could aspire to was to love you from the distance'

She was paralyzed; her own vulnerability was her worst enemy.

'I tried to be better every day, I tried to be good like you; caring like you. For you'

'Jane' The way she said her name was full of understanding and it made Jane immensely hopeful.

'Let me me finish.'

She hadn't realised she was crying until Maura reached to wipe a tear from her cheek. Afterwards she brought them closer.

'I don't know what you are offering, Maura, I don't know what there is for me to take' She sniffled 'But I don't think I can take another five years like these last five'

Maura, who was on the verge of tears found the trigger on Jane's confession.

'Shh-' She tried to calm her down even though her own eyes brimmed with tears 'Everything; Jane'

* * *

In Jane's dream it had snowed outside. She was six years old and her mother had forgotten to wake her up for their annual trip to the beach. She dreamed of the curve of Maura's waist and the heat their bodies emitted pressed together.

When she woke up Maura wasn't there; only her perfume between the sheets. She run her legs, shaved for the first time months, thought the sheets and felt the softness radiating from both.

She smiled to herself and for the first time in a long time she didn't avoid her image on the bathroom mirror.


End file.
